


Wood Burns and Metal Rusts, So Darling, What's To Become of Us?

by WhereverMySITakesMe



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Barriss is Very Very Sick, F/F, Kanan is the Father of All third Wheels, Medical Torture, Minor Kanan Jarrus, Reminiscing, Vomiting, blood transfusion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:15:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28650393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhereverMySITakesMe/pseuds/WhereverMySITakesMe
Summary: When Ahsoka finally sees Barriss again, they're seperated by half a galaxy and Barriss is close to death. The worst possible situation for reconilling their past and finding their future. But they try.
Relationships: Barriss Offee/Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 5
Kudos: 33





	Wood Burns and Metal Rusts, So Darling, What's To Become of Us?

When Ahsoka got the call from Chopper, she expected the worst. The mission they’d been sent on -breaking into an Imperial research facility in search of highly classified data- was incredibly dangerous. If anyone could pull it off, it was them. But that was a big “if”.

As she expected, an somber looking Sabine appeared and said “We had to abandon the mission”

“I see” Ahsoka kept her voice calm, waiting for the girl to tell her about a death, capture or serious injury.

Instead, Sabine said “We found a Jedi”

“A Jedi?” Ahsoka was delighted to hear that, of course, but it made little sense. The squad were in a research centre, not a prison “Why were they-?”

Sabine cut her off “Ahsoka, did you know someone called Barriss?”

Ahsoka’s heart froze over. “Yes. I did” She had no idea what emotion her voice was conveying.

“She wants to apologise to you. She wouldn’t say what for.” She met Ahsoka’s eyes “But she’s in bad shape. Really bad. We’re getting her to a medical facility as fast as we can, but...”

“How long?”

“We’ll arrive in about two hours. If she lives that long”

Barriss could be dead in two hours.

“Take me to her” Ahsoka said, immediately, as though that was something Sabine could do.

Thankfully Sabine was capable of making sense “We’re headed to the med ship near Mandalorian space. We’ll meet you there”

Ahsoka nodded, already on her feet “I’ll call you back when I’m on the way”

Ahsoka sent Sato a message saying she had to leave on a personal errand as she headed to her ship. There was no point getting people excited about a new Jedi if she wasn’t going to make it. She took off and programed the hyperspace jump in record time, before calling Chopper again from her ship’s holo.

Sabine had moved since the first call, instead of the cockpit she was standing in the corridor of the Ghost “Hey”

“Hey” Ahsoka repeated. Her mouth had gone dry and her chest was tight.

“Are you ready to see her?” Sabine asked gently

Ahsoka nodded silently. The fact that Sabine thought she needed a warning was bad. But she’d see soon enough.

Sabine knocked lightly on the door “Ahsoka’s here”

“Come in” Kanan’s voice came from the other side of the door before it slid open and Sabine and Chopper moved inside.

“Easy, don’t try to move” Ahsoka distantly heard Kanan’s voice say as the holo in front of her changed and Sabine was replaced by Kanan sitting on a bed holding what must have been Barriss. She was almost unrecognisable. Impossibly thin, all fragile skin stretched over protruding bones. Her hair looked thin and brittle and there were patches of baldness on her scalp. She was wrapped in a blanket and propped up against Kanan’s chest, her head lolling as though she was to weak to lift it.

“Barriss” Ahsoka tried to keep her voice steady

Barriss rolled her head along Kanan’s chest to face the transmitter. Her eyes were half lidded with tiredness “Ahsoka… I’m sorry. I’m so… sorry” She spoke in ragged, painful gasps.

“No” Ahsoka suddenly felt a flare of anger “After everything you’ve done. You have no right-”

“Ahsoka-” Kanan tried to interrupt her, but she ignored him.

“No right to try to apologise over holo. You have to apologise in person. Do you understand? You can’t die, Barriss. Not now” She couldn’t keep her voice from breaking at that.

Barriss blinked heavily “ ’m so tired”

“I don’t care” Ahsoka didn’t know if she was still angry or just broken hearted “If you ever cared for me at all... Just stay alive. Two hours. For me”

Barriss stared at her with sad, tired eyes for several seconds “I can’t”

Ahsoka was nowhere near ready to give up “Do you remember Geonosis?”

Barriss nodded almost imperceptibly. Ahsoka thought she saw the ghost of a smile on the Mirialan’s face but it could easily have been her imagination. “And afterwards, the worms? You were ready to give up, both times. But you made it. We made it. And you’re going to make it this time too. Just don’t give up on me” Ahsoka implored. Her face was wet with tears.

There was another agonising pause before Barriss croaked “I’ll...try”

The rush of relief made Ahsoka dizzy.

A beeping came from somewhere she couldn’t see and made Barriss’ face contort in pain.

“Chopper silence that” Kanan said, startling Ahsoka. Somehow, she’d forgotten he was there.

“What is it?” She asked, as the droid shut off the sound.

Kanan paused uncomfortably before saying “The medical monitoring system” He looked down at Barriss “Her heart is struggling”

“Drink some of this” Sabine reappeared in the holo to hold a cup to Barriss’ lips “It’ll give you energy”

Kanan shifted, supporting Barriss’ head so she could sip the liquid. “Easy, not too much” He looked back at Ahsoka “Her digestive system has all but shut down too”

“She can hear you” Ahsoka said, more snappily than she should have. She knew what Kanan was trying to tell her. It was near impossible for Barriss to keep herself alive on sheer willpower. Even with medical attention it might be touch and go. Force, this was unbearable.

Sabine took the cup away from Barriss’ lips “Better?”

Barriss said nothing, just blinked slowly. Kanan rubbed her arm “When the sugar hits your blood stream, you’ll feel better, I promise”

“Is there anything else we can do?” Sabine asked “Are you warm enough?”

“Dark” Barriss wheezed “And quiet. Please, my head…” She was too weak to turn to face Kanan so she just looked pleadingly at the holo of Ahsoka, who was watching helplessly.

“I’m sorry. We can’t” Kanan said “You need to stay awake. And this way Ahsoka can be here. That’s good, right?” He added, trying to soften the blow. Ahoska didn’t know if Barriss was actually comforted by her presence or not.

Barriss just dropped her gaze again, looking defeated. It tore at Ahsoka’s heart. “Just until the med centre” She found herself saying “You can rest in perfect dark and quiet for as long as you want, just as soon as you’re safe” She was crying, again. For Force’s sake, she’d be a wreck by the time the Ghost arrived.

“Don’t cry” Barriss was still struggling to get through a sentence “I don’t...deserve your..tears”

That only made Ahsoka cry harder “No”

“Did this to...my self” Barriss said and started to cough, her wasted muscles straining.

“Shh” Kanan helped her lean forward to cough the liquid she’d drank back up into a bowl “You need to save your strength, Barriss. No more emotional outbursts. That goes for you too, Ahsoka” he looked back to the holo.

“Okay” Ahsoka tried to force a smile and avoid looking at Barriss’ desperate retching.

“Keep talking” Kanan encouraged.

After several seconds of Ahsoka saying nothing, her mind completely blank, Kanan prompted “How do you two first meet?” A pointless piece of small talk, but Ahsoka didn’t have a better idea.

“On Geonosis. We were both Padawans”

“You were...arguing” Barriss wheezed as Kanan helped her sit up. There was a faint light in her eyes.

Ahsoka nodded “With my Master. Then Barriss and Luminera turned up, prim and proper as anything. I think Barriss even curtseyed” Her tone was artificially light, to try to keep Barrriss’ spirits up, but she found that she was genuinely enjoying the memory.

“Very respectful” Kanan said.

“That’s what they were like, back then.”

“So what happened after that?” He asked

Ahsoka frowned “It’s not the happiest story”

“Tell it” Barriss wheezed “Please”

“If that’s what you want” Ahsoka said and she began to recount the tale. It was decades ago now, but-like all the time she and Barriss had shared- Ahsoka could remember it as though it was yesterday. The droid factory, the catacombs Barriss had memorised, the tanks, the loss of their bombs. Their mutual decision to sacrifice themselves for the Republic.

Her voice trailed of when she reached that point. It reminded her of all the things she wanted to say to Barriss. She wanted to remind her that once she’d been willing to die doing her duty as a Jedi. Wanted to know how and when and **why** that had changed.

But not now. Barriss was too weak, had been through too much, for intense questioning.

While she was trying to find something else, something positive, to say, Barriss spoke up. She’d been quiet throughout Ahsoka’s story, apart from the occasional cough or groan “Wish I’d … suffocated… just… slipped away. No pain”

“You’re not going to die, Barriss” Ahsoka said, firmly “And you’ll feel better soon. I promise” Alarmingly, Barriss had said something similar at the time. Had she spent her entire life hoping for nothing more than a peaceful death?

“An hour of travel left” Kanan interrupted them, speaking with obviously fake levity “Have some more sugar water. Keep your strength up”

A look of fear and discomfort crossed Barriss’ face. Ahsoka contained her shudder and **did not** cry again “Try. I’ll finish the story if you do” Somehow, she’d turned into a master manipulator.

Reluctantly, Barriss let Kanan hold the cup of water to her lips again. And Ahsoka went back to her story. She managed to finish describing them bringing the roof down on themselves, contacting Anakin and their rescue before Barriss brought the liquid back up.

“Easy” Kanan was rubbing Barriss’ back as she coughed “Even keeping a little down will help” His eyes flicked to Ahsoka who was, once again, unable to keep the conversation going “That story wasn’t as bad as you made out. Heroic, with a happy ending”

“ ‘S not over” Barriss choked out

“You want me to talk about the worms?” Ahsoka frowned “Barriss, that wasn’t a good time. For either of us.” She didn’t know how bad- Barriss had always been closed off about her emotions. But she’d been deeply shaken by it, that much she had let on. She must be really suffering to make that an appealing topic of conversation. “There must be something else you want me to talk about”

“No. After” Barriss leant back against Kanan again and looked straight at Ahsoka. There was still a flicker of light in her pain fogged eyes.

“After the worms?” Ahsoka was still confused “You passed out and we flew to the med centre. I had to leave with Anakin before you came around”

“You were… holding me”

Ahsoka nodded cautiously “I didn’t know you knew about that. You were unconscious. It was very cold” She added, as though she needed to explain her behaviour nearly twenty years after the fact. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay”

“Wish..you could do that now” Barriss was too weak to beat about the bush.

“So do I” Ahsoka admitted. She yearned to make more promises. To promise Barriss the world. To swear that things would be different. That they would be together. That Barriss would be okay, really okay. That she’d find happiness.

But she couldn’t even guarantee survival, let alone physical recovery, let alone mental recovery.

As if to confirm the hopelessness of the situation, Barriss broke their shared gaze, letting out a groan and curling in on herself.

“Hey, hey, easy. Where does it hurt?” Kanan- Force, Ahsoka needed to stop forgetting that he was there- asked.

“Inside” Was all Barriss could moan “Hurts”

“Barriss, look at me.” Ahsoka said, in her best attempt at a calm, encouraging tone “Try to breathe through the pain. With me. In...two...three… And out”

Barriss lifted her eyes back to Ahsoka but didn’t uncurl. Her breathing was still ragged and uneven but Ahsoka could tell that she was fighting to exert some control over it. Ahsoka kept counting, trying to set a rhythm Barriss could match, until finally, **finally** ,the wave of pain passed and Barriss slumped into Kanan’s chest “Thank you… Ahsoka”

“Nice to know my help is appreciated” Kanan joked. No one laughed.

That was the last lucid thing Barriss said. As her condition deteriorated, she suffered more waves of intense pain and her breathing got even shallower, making it even harder for her to speak. When she did, it was nonsensical. Three times she tried to apologise to Ahsoka, as though seeing her for the first time. Once, she couldn’t remember what she was apologising for. By the time Hera’s voice came over the intercom saying they were about to dock, Barriss barely knew who Ahsoka was and didn’t care about her goodbye.

It took Ahsoka another fifteen minutes to reach the med ship. Fifteen minutes of stomach-churing anxiety that she tried to assuage with slow, meditative breathing. The same technique she had tried to use to help Barriss through wave after wave of agony. Oh, Force.

Kanan was waiting for her when she arrived at the ship, his expression serious. She didn’t stop walking to greet him, just said “Where is she?”

“Ahsoka…”

“Where?” She snapped. She was buoyed up on adrenaline and the desperate need to see Barriss in person.

“I’ll show you” He walked with her down the corridor “She passed out not long after we arrived”

“Did they put her in a bacta tank?”

“No”

“No?” Ahsoka slowed her pace slightly

“Well, they did. But they took her out” Kanan stopped walking and turned to face her, putting a hand on her shoulder to stop her as well “Bacta isn’t working on her.”

“What?” Ahsoka stared at him stupidly “That makes no sense. Bacta can’t just not work”

“They’re trying to figure out what’s going on. But it’s not looking good. Nothing’s working”

“No” Ashoka said, as though that would change anything, followed by “I need to see her”

“Here” Kanan said and pushed open a door for her.

Ahsoka stepped inside, her heart in her mouth.

Somehow, Barriss looked even worse than she had before. Now that she was no longer in shades of blue, Ahsoka could see that her skin was grey- a flat slate grey, with no hint of green left- and without the blanket wrapped around her, Barriss’ fragile, skeletal body was more visible. She was dressed only in rags, which looked worryingly like the clothes she had been arrested wearing.

More frighteningly still was the medical paraphernalia. Barriss was attached to what seemed like hundreds of wires and tubes and had an oxygen mask over her face. The wires lead to monitors all of which were making insistent noises and flashing a warning red.

Ahsoka grabbed the nearest medic’s arm “What’s wrong with her?”

He looked at her apologetically “Her body is shutting down. We don’t know why. We’re doing everything we can”

Ahsoka let go of him, her hands shaking.

Kanan put his hand on her shoulder again “Why don’t you sit next to her, hold her hand?”

Ahsoka let him steer her to a chair next to Barriss’ bed “This can’t be it. After everything, she can’t…”

“I know” Kanan said kindly, taking a seat next to her. “I know”

Ahsoka said nothing to that, just sat silently watching Barriss’ chest rise and fall and tuned out the noise and movement around them. With a deep, calming breath, she opened herself up to the Force. She’d never been a healer, but she knew that it could be done. Barriss had been able to heal with the Force. If only they were the other way around.

As her breathing deepened Ahsoka felt a familiar sensation wash over her, the feeling of connection to the lives all around her. She reached out with her mind to where Barriss lay and… Nothing. Barriss wasn’t there. The space where she should have been was empty.

Ahsoka tried reaching out again, in all directions, and easily found Kanan and the doctors. But not Barriss.

Suddenly everything clicked into place, as she realised what had been done to Barriss.

“What’s her midichlorian count?” Ahsoka asked aloud, breaking out of her meditative state.

“I… we didn’t run it. Midichlorians don’t make people sick” One of the doctors looked at her in confusion.

“Run it now” Ahsoka ordered, even though she already knew what the outcome would be.

Obediently the man tapped something into his scanner and used its spike to prick Barriss’ skin. He frowned at the display “That can’t be right”

“What does it say?” Kanan asked

“Zero. No midichlorines. But that’s impossible. I must have done something wrong”

“They took them from her.” Ahsoka said, her mind working rapidly “That’s why she’s dying” Ahsoka was a Jedi. Ahsoka had midichlorians to spare.

“Could someone do that?” Kanan asked

The doctor began to answer, but Ahsoka tuned him out again. She lunged for one of the tubes snaking its way out of Barriss’ body and tore it from the fluid bag it was connected to before stabbing the ragged end into her own arm.

Miraculously, that worked. The tube ran red with Ahsoka’s blood.

Next to her, the doctor had turned sheet white “You are...different species”

“Do you have a Mirialan Jedi to hand?” Ahsoka asked

“She was going to die” Kanan pointed out “We may as well try this. Can you treat mis-matched blood?”

“Potentially. But this is an extreme case…” The doctor was already turning back to his colleagues.

Ahsoka shut it all out, turning all her focus back to Barriss and the Force. _Please_ she begged silently, _please._

There was no dramatic change in Barriss’ appearance, or the sounds from the Force-damned monitors. But she didn’t die, like everyone had expected her too. And something imperceptible had changed, making her look more like a very sick woman and less like a corpse. It was enough to give Ahsoka confidence in her theory. She bled herself into Barriss past the point where she got faint and dizzy and Kanan began trying to convince her to let him take her place. She refused. Nonsensically. He was just as much a Jedi is she is and probably a closer genetic match. But Ahsoka had to be the one do it.

He understood and backed off, for now, and didn't say the word "lovers" but she knew he was thinking it. She didn't contradict his reading.

Barriss kept improving. And started bleeding from her eyes and nose. Too much blood, apparently. But, apart from that, she was getting better. Whatever the side effects of putting Togruta blood in a Mirialan were, the doctors were able to control them. By the time Ahsoka fainted from blood loss, Barriss was stable enough, healthy enough, for them to be moved to a side room. Somewhere dark and quiet.

***

Barriss woke slowly, gently, which was strange enough in itself. In the lab she’d always jolted painfully to wakefulness, dazzled by bright lights and the pain of the restrains digging into her already ruined flesh. Now, there were no restraints and she was lying on something soft with a cool cloth on her forehead.

It didn’t make sense. She couldn’t still be Palpatine’s hostage and lab rat. Was she dead? No. There was something on the edge of her awareness, some half remember blur that would explain how she got here. She tried to focus on it, despite her worsening migraine. Eventually, her foggy brain latched on to something.

“Ahsoka” She found herself saying out loud. Her voice came out hoarse.

A hand touched Barriss’ arm. Ahsoka’s hand “I’m here. Everything is okay. You’re safe” Her voice sounded tired and unsteady.

Barriss blinked her eyes open, which achieved next to nothing. The room was pitch black. She tried to push herself upright, but her arms were impossibly heavy.

“Lie still.” Ahsoka chided her

“No,” Barriss kept struggling to sit up. She wanted to look her friend in the eyes to apologise for the terrible, terrible things she’d done “I have to-”

“Rest. You have to **rest** ” Ahsoka insisted, put her hands flat on Barriss’s chest, pining her.

Defeated, Barriss sagged back onto the bed, panting.

Ahsoka lifted her hand’s from Barriss’ chest “I know you’re trying to apologise, again”

“You don’t want me to?”

“I don’t know” Ahsoka sighed softly, taking Barriss’ hand in hers “It was so long ago. I thought you were dead. Then you nearly died again- I think I tried to blackmail you into surviving” There was a faint laugh in Ahsoka’s voice.

“You succeeded”

Barriss felt Ahsoka’s mood darken “You aren’t through it yet. Your body was badly damaged, you’re still healing”

“I’m going to be okay” Barriss reassured her, based on nothing, really. She didn’t know if she felt like someone who was dying. Her entire body ached but, apart from her throbbing headache, it was dull and distant.

“You aren’t blackmailing me into forgiving you.” Ahsoka commented “You could, you know. You were right, in some ways”

“No.” Barriss said firmly “What I did was wrong. If it weren’t for Anakin, this would have been you”

“Did Palpatine do this to you?”

“Yes” Barriss tried to lick her lips but her tongue was completely dry “He used me for...experimentation”

“That...makes sense” Ahsoka raced a circle on Barriss’ wrist “Do you want to know what he did?”

“Yes” Barriss had given up trying to understand what was being done to her early on, but, as a healer, she was a little curious.

Her eyes began to slide closed as Ahsoka explained. She was so so tired. To tired to focus on about midichlorians and blood and-

Her eyes snapped back open “You gave me your blood. You saved my life.”

“Yes”

“After everything”

“I couldn’t let you die”

“You could”

“No, I couldn’t” Ahsoka’s words hung in the air for several seconds before, all in a rush, she said “I love you Barriss. I’m sorry that I was too much of a coward to tell you before now”

Barriss swallowed dryly, staring into the darkness above her “I was a coward too”

“The Jedi are gone now” Ahsoka said, determination in her voice and tightened her grip on Barriss’ hand “All of their rules, their judgement...it’s gone”

“So...” Barriss prompted. She wasn’t going to presume. She didn’t have that right.

“We could start again. Together”

“Could I?”

“You can” Barriss heard the smile in Ahsoka’s voice “New blood, new you”

Barriss found herself smiling as well, her weak fingers gripping Ahsoka’s “Let’s start again. Together”


End file.
